I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
