This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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