Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
