oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
okay pat passed out under dana's car
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
