Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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