You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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