So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
