Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
