This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
