i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
