alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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