so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
