with your own penis?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
