so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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