:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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