and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am available for nakedness
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
