So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
