Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
