Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
