The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
