i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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