if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
