I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Screwed.edu
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
