The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
