I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
