I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
