did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
