I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
