Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
