sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
