thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
