Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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