they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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