Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
