i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
