She's like a pop up book from hell.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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