I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
