Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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