I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
