she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
