those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
