Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
