dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
