I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it was like eating out sand paper
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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