can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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