Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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