Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
