I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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