the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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