haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
