Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
