yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
