He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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