I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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