i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
