no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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