When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
