thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
