Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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