Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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